At some time during your 50's, the question, "Where should mom live" will probably arise. The situation came about for us when my father passed away from Alzheimer's over a year ago. Options will depend on the physical and mental health of your parent. Many years ago, my mother and I looked at retirement facilities and found it to be shockingly expensive and my mother's main complaint was "these people are OLD". I hear this often from seniors that have good physical and mental health but there are a broad range of options one can explore.
Aging in place is of course the top option but one should plan for the future expense of hiring in home health care. We found that having the same person assigned to my father was nearly impossible. Constant demand, patient needs and health care workers qualifications all cause the reassignment of caregivers. We finally did get one wonderful caregiver but it took several months to iron this out. In retrospect this was the best choice that my mother made for my father during his illness. Once he was placed in a dementia unit, a whole host of other - over the top - stressful issues arose. A topic I hope to one day be able to write about.
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| Tiling the new shower stall. |
Another option for seniors is to move into a rental. After living in a home, some seniors balk at the idea of having close neighbors. There are rental communities designed for 55 and over, they often have long wait lists so plan in advance. Private home rental is another option but safety concerns must be addressed; one level, no curbs in showers, stairs, slippery flooring, drivability to shopping or alternative transportation options.
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| First day of ripping up the yard. |
My mother did not want to live alone and wanted no part of a retirement facility or rental so we considered a mother-in-law addition. Our neighbors built a lovely apartment connected to their home for their mother and she also has hired home health care assistance. We entertained adding a complete addition, but pricing was upwards of $300,000. The time frame of the project and expense was like building a stand alone home. After speaking with our realtor and several builders, we decided that adding a garage with a bonus room over top would help better sell our house down the road vs adding a mother-in-law suite. We were fortunate to have a one level basement with 11 full size windows and doors that was acceptable to my mother. I do not recommend putting a parent in a dark and dank space, way too depressing! We would have to add a small kitchen and remodel a bathroom, add some insulation and sheet rock to a few areas, and attach it to our new garage. If you decide to go this route, make it as separate as possible (words of the wise from my neighbor with the mother-in-law addition).
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| Lots of big trucks, some driveway damage is bound to occur. |
It has taken 1 year to investigate remodeling our home and it seems like a century! Everything takes longer than expected and a big part of it is pinpointing exactly what you need and want. Our original concept of adding a complete suite has been whittled down to a large single car garage with
office space (or possibly a future master suite if we sold our home later). We are very happy we chose this route as the thought of undertaking anything larger is truly mind boggling.
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| Concrete is a messy process, hiring out is the way to go. |
A list of the steps: 1) Talk to numerous builders about options and the lay of the land. 2) Get a notebook with grids to draw, draw, and then draw some more. I filled a complete notebook trying to nail down what we needed and what we didn't need. This really helped! Even with this detail, I still screwed up in the end but even I am not perfect. 3) Talk to neighbors or get on a local online
neighborhood group list and find out who they are hiring. 4) Try to do what you can yourself. I am the contractor for the project. I contracted a concrete guy myself and a separate builder. We'll be wiring the garage, insulating, and adding sheet rock as my husband has worked in construction in the past. 5) Get estimates as your time allows, bite the bullet at some point. Figure that no soil will be turned for a solid year from when you begin your project due to weather, busy contractors, and to give yourself a little breathing time to not make too many changes in your design (big $$). 6) Pick a builder and try to get a concrete date of beginning 7) Get that foundation scheduled as weather delays are imminent. 8) Wait for the builder, as there is typically more of a wait than anticipated.
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| Foundation DONE - Done - DONE |
I have worked my way to step 8 over the last year. We selected a prefab garage builder as I really liked the idea of doing the construction elsewhere and popping it up over 2 days! In and OUT fast! The garage slab took what seemed forever as the soil was wet most days (hurricane season) for months. It was also a little more complicated as the lot sloped off and required a cinder block foundation to compensate for the elevation. We also wanted a breezeway poured that we can later enclose.
I hope this has help you think through your situation. First and foremost you need to match your decision with your parents wishes. It's never easy, but it can be done. Deep breath.
I'll be writing soon as our project develops. We're estimating mom will move in 2019 at this rate!
~Rebecca
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