2025 a Year in Review, Selling a House and a home without Cats is a sad house indeed

This year was not nearly as stressful as last year but it began with me still managing the property of my father-in-laws home in TN. Luckily it sold in March but the work was just beginning. Bob wanted to go to the home place one more time so we hauled a 93 year old six hours in our little Honda along with a recliner for him to sit in. With the help of our realtor, I had sold his old recliner and many of his items remotely while his house was on the market. Anthony and awesome movers were zooming around his house loading up the U-Haul, cramming in his remaining handmade furniture and belongings and lastly a riding mower. Bob had a workshop in the yard that was full of boards and wood from his 25 years of woodworking. I called it’s Bob’s little Home Depot store – we had to also load this in the U-Haul. They got everything in for the exception of a couch. Anthony drove the U-Haul and I drove Bob back to Charlottesville to get another crew to help unload. 

Most of the year has been spent managing Bob but he is very cooperative and easy going. The caregivers at JABA daycare love him. We finally threw in the towel with home health care, we were managing them. Constant changes of people that we had to re-train and many of them would sit and look at their phones which was truly annoying. Bob is declining but his doctor found a miraculous pain patch that has completely gotten rid of his back pain. He has good days and bad days as far as his comprehension. One night at 3 pm I could not find him. He can not walk up and down stairs without assistance but I thought I heard some noise downstairs – he had managed to walk down our split level stairs and was admiring his handmade furniture in the basement (he had never even been down there). How he did not fall is an absolute mystery. One day you think he can not take another step and the next day he’s solo traversing two flights of stairs. He told us to lock him up at night! The other day we tried to get him to put in his hearing aids and he claimed they were in – we thought he was having a senior moment and Anthony got a flashlight and found a plastic wall anchor in his ear (he had to use tweezers to remove it). We had been letting Bob sort through piles of screws, nails, and anchors to entertain himself as these are things he has spent a lifetime using.

My mother who lives in our own space downstairs turned 90 which is really hard to believe. She is still independent and driving carefully in an area of town that is very familiar to her. Her vision is better than mine so we feel secure with her driving still. 

I did take two trips this year. One with a friend for Historic Garden Week in Williamsburg which was lovely. The other was a trip to a glorious part of Virginia in Bath / Highland County. We stayed in an extremely remote cabin in the woods on a river. I saw a river otter and we walked miles and miles in the mountains and through caves! What a beautiful part of the world.

Several mechanical problems, caused a great deal of stress. Our pool pump died as temperatures increased and of course right when temperatures dropped my office mini split died and so did my office computer. Anthony replaced or repaired all three, we did have to hire a heat and air guy to finish the mini split but things are up and running. 

One of the few jobs that Anthony could not do was paint our house. Unfortunately this was not a stress free job, I had to babysit the painters and they did several things wrong. After years of hopelessly trying to become inspired by colors such as Gray Green and Blue (it was currently yellow) I went bold and chose Lavender. I decided it was a color that would offset my gardens. I love it but now that the leaves have fallen it is a little more bold. Some days it has a gray tone others purple. My neighbors probably think I’m having a mid-life crisis, which I am -- I will be on Medicare next year – I can’t believe it. 

Anthony and I became inspired to build a pantry in our kitchen this Fall with Bob's encouragement. He was very excited about a construction project as this was what he spent his life doing. It turned out to be exactly what our kitchen needed. He also replaced our kitchen window which we could not even open. Thank goodness for Anthony and his skills. 

The saddest news of the year is that all three of our 18 year old cats passed away within months of each other. We adopted each of them when I was the Director of the Humane Society. Spoiled and treasured they all had beautiful happy lives. On a slow and steady decline last year, each with different ailments. It’s was a quiet Christmas without a cat in a bag. It’s truly odd not having animals. It’s a hard pill to swallow.

Another year has passed with me trying to close my deceased friend's estate. Most of the work was handed over last year to my new accountant so early 2026 it will finally end.

I’m hoping that most of the old mechanical equipment and home updates are finished and we can have a somewhat low key 2026. I’m hoping our relatively new roof, water heater, and house paint will out live us.

I'm ending the year with some bad bloodwork results due to my 25 year autoimmune disease. I will be going to a Hematology appointment in January. Fortunately I feel better than I have in years so let's hope it's something simple.

~Rebecca

Keeping the Mind of Seniors Busy, Dementia Alzheimer's Job Ideas for Men

How does one go about entertaining seniors to keep their minds busy? It's not easy. "No" is often a favorite term especially from the Alzheimer mind. Maybe it's the last decision one can make - having a choice. Seniors often use the TV to entertain themselves but I've observed it can be mind noise without a reaction. No laughter or understanding of the plot. It could be a hearing deficiency or a lack of comprehension. 

I highly recommend you seek out a senior day care in your area. JABA has kept Bob active and moving with plenty of hugs from caregivers. We prefer it to home health care services.

My father passed away 5 years ago from ALZ and it was a painful experience, worse than painful, the worst. He fell victim to selecting a repeated unstoppable task. In his final only month of non-home care in a facility, he wanted to die and to state it bluntly, thankfully did. 

My 94 year old father-in-law Bob lives with us and he has dementia but not ALZ and is very agreeable. He can still get up and walk with a walker short distances. He worked his entire life in construction, managing large projects and building homes. His mind has been programmed to have a job! I've noticed that he has little comprehension of what is around him and you need to suggest tasks to him. I hand him the stretch band to exercise each day and his hearing aids each morning. I give him a little cup of medicine for him to take and ask him if he has gotten up recently and roll his walker to him. I offer him a puzzle or book. He will not typically initiate but is happy to do things if you make him aware of them. If you have a loved one just sitting and watching TV all day you might discover that direction and activity creation on your part is crucial.

It's not easy thinking of projects to keep a mind busy, especially a man's. Women tend to gravitate toward crafts and making things, men want to work or do sports. 

We decided one of the best ways to entertain Bob was to build something in the house. It provided him great joy and pride to see his son building as he once did. I previously had a pantry in our old house and we decided to start building. We involved Bob asking him all sorts of construction questions and gave him plans to analyze. It got him out of his chair to come and watch Anthony build or stroll by out of curiosity (sneaky way to get him to exercise).

During the project my husband found a huge bucket of screws, nails, washers, bolts, etc. We asked Bob if he would like to sort these items as part of the project. He was completely engrossed. He did have one delirious episode we believe caused by a new pain medicine. We asked him to put in his hearing aids and he claimed they were already in. Anthony looked in his ear and he had put a wall anchor in it (tweezers were needed to remove it). We also had to be extra diligent to sweep around his chair for falling parts so it was not the safest of projects but we made it out without injury and he loved doing this for months. Bob wanted to participate. Look for ways to include seniors in projects, you might be surprised what they want to do.

In Bob's younger years, they always had a puzzle out on the table so this was familiar to him. We learned to give him 50 - 100 piece puzzles as that is reasonable for his mind to manage and fits on the board that swings over his recliner. He does go to day care 3 days a week and they have more complicated larger puzzles and better lighting which he can work. 

My father sold eyeglasses for many years and played golf. He also sold eyeglasses leash cords so I would mix a bunch of colors up and ask him to sort them. It kept him busy for a short while. ALZ is a much more difficult nut to crack! My mother had a little putting area set up but he grew tired of it. He loved to eat and go to restaurants so mom made this his main activity and it worked for many years. It was the way she got him to shower and she would take him out nearly every day!

Another hobby of my father-in-law's was coin collecting. We swapped out the screw mix for coins (it was safer) and he was happy analyzing them with a magnifying glass and sorting them by denomination into medicine bottles. He also helped roll them if I counted them out first. I would re-mix them and the process would begin again.

We also have a lot of photo albums and get carpentry books from the library for him to read. He can spend hours pouring over them. My father was totally disinterested in such things. My cat Gus was fun for him to pet but he could be nippy and sadly passed early this year :(

Bob is slowing down now but from time to time we ask him if he needs a nail, coin or puzzle fix to keep him busy. It's a challenge to hit the mark with dementia seniors but try to think of their past and introduce something simple and see if you can get their minds occupied. I don't think anyone wants to be stuck in front of a TV but it could simply be that no other options are offered.

~Rebecca

Giving Tuesday and Writing your Will, Charity Gifts to Honor your Life

Today is giving Tuesday, a global giving day. I give to charities that have special meaning to me. But giving doesn't have to be just a one time deal. Next year I sign up for Medicare! Yikes! Hitting this milestone is hard for me to imagine but along with it are thoughts of getting my affairs in order.

I'm going to digress a little, but do you have a Will? Did you know that in Virginia you do not need a lawyer to draft a Will. State by state online Wills can be downloaded for free and edited (every State has it's own rules). You can even write your Will by hand or later add a handwritten note to your Will if you have details to change or add, but you won't be around to make sure it stays attached, so having a printed complete Will is best. My library provides a free notary by appointment, just bring several witnesses to come along to sign your Will. No longer do banks offer this service and no business provides "staff" to be witnesses like they did in the old days.

I've known of several people that have no family to speak of and could easily divide their estate among non-profits by designation in a Will. Don't let the State government inherit your property because you do not have a Will! Gift it instead to agencies that truly need the money.

A few of my favorite charities are animal focused. My list includes charities that I have followed for years or personally know the individuals that are in charge. Before giving, do your homework or ask friends or family for recommendations. Giving to big national charities generally is a bad idea, keeping your donation locally is a great idea. There are a few charities that I donate to that are not in my area but are very small shoestring operations that greatly need help. Many charities now accept Venmo.

If you take the IRS standard deduction on your taxes, you can not write off charitable donations in 2025, you can only benefit if you itemize. It looks like this changes for 2026 but there are limitations and it is complicated. Regardless of a tax donation, giving should come from the heart and this year has been extra tough for many charities given the rise in inflation and job layoffs.

A few of my recommended hard working charities are as follows:

HOWS, Houses of Wood and Straw is a 501c3 animal rescue charity that has been operating for 17 years and serves several counties in my area. They just found a property where they can permanently reside. This year a donor has stepped up that will match all donations up to $15,000. It's a great time to give! They initially began building sturdy dog houses for chained dogs and have expanded to erecting fencing to unchain dogs. Because of my animal rescue background, I've been a supporter for years. I understand very well the difficulty in Virginia to remove animals from a bad situation. Laws permit people to keep outside dogs and often the situation is dire. HOWS provides EYES into the community and at least makes a bad situation the best it can be, providing medical care, guidance, and property improvements. Sometimes even getting lucky by counseling pet owners to allow them to find a warm and cozy inside home for their pets. 

Sweet Peeps Microsanctuary is a 501c3 chicken rescue in Alabama that houses factory farm chickens, chickens that were slated to be killed in religious ceremonies, and chickens impacted by recent actions of ICE. Operated by the daughter of one of my good friends, I know the funds are used appropriately. Getting to know chickens on a personal level by having several flocks of chickens of my own it has opened my eyes to their varied personalities and antics. Chicken rescues are rare and the need is great.

Local wildlife rescues are often loaded with animals receiving very specialized care. Two of my favorites located in different areas of Virginia are Rockfish Wildlife Sanctuary and Southwest Virginia Wildlife Center of Roanoke.

A small group of individuals saw a need in the Harrisonburg area to help those that are in dire situations such as the power is going to be cut off, cars being repossessed, and eviction. Heart breaking stories of being one month away from homelessness. Helping who they can with the funds they cobble together, this is an agency that serves from the heart and needs your help. Mountain Valley Mutual Aid can be followed on Facebook or Instagram.

We've all read about the disastrous impacts of SNAP benefit removals. Seek out your local food pantry and help! Loaves and Fishes has been helping citizens in need in Charlottesville for many years. 27% of Cville families live at or below the poverty level.

As I approach retirement, I see that my mental faculty and funds are realigning. Giving doesn't have to wait until your death, it can be gifted today! Let's all participate in Giving Tuesday.

~Rebecca